Finding Light After Loss: Three Supports That Helped Me Heal

Words written by Alanna Knobben, bereaved mother to Marshall James.

In Canada, approximately 15–25% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage, and stillbirth occurs in about 8.6 per 1,000 births. Beyond these numbers are countless other families who experience loss through infant death, early childhood illness or accidents, unexplained loss, termination for medical reasons (TFMR), infertility, and other heartbreaking circumstances. Each story is unique, yet all carry the weight of love and grief.

Losing a child turns your world upside down and changes you forever. After miscarriage in our first pregnancy and then the death of our son, Marshall James at two weeks old, I found myself like so many bereaved parents - lost in the fog and numbness of grief. It took time, reflection, and small steps of courage to begin rebuilding my life.

When others ask me what helped most in navigating life after loss, three things always rise to the surface:

1. Connection

Reconnection with yourself after loss is a tender and important process. Grieving who you were before while learning who you are now. Finding connection with others who understand is equally vital. I experienced firsthand how powerful it is to share stories, to be understood, and to feel acknowledged. That connection can be a lifeline in the darkest moments.

2. Remembrance & Integration

Saying goodbye to my son Marshall’s physical body did not mean saying goodbye to him. From the beginning, I knew I would carry him with me forever. The Carry You With Me Storybook grew out of letters to him and the ways I sought to weave his memory into my life. Remembrance is about creating loving ways to keep your child present, allowing them to remain part of your story and your future.

3. Redefinition

Grief breaks us apart in ways we cannot control, but we do get to choose how we rebuild. Redefinition isn’t “moving on,” it’s learning to live forward. Integrating loss and love into your evolving sense of self. Redefinition is about honoring the pain, embracing growth, and allowing new meaning, abilities, hopes and space to emerge.

No matter where you are in your grief, know that connection, remembrance, and redefinition can be great supports to help carry you through as you begin to reshape your life after loss.

For more information, visit www.carryyouwithme.com