Sylas

My sweet Sylas 🤍,

2026 is here, and I’m not ready.

I’m not ready to leave you in 2025.

You came into 2024 and we welcomed 2025 together. We took this picture right at midnight. You stayed with us into mid January, long enough to wrap our hearts in your love. And now the thought of stepping into a year that doesn’t have you in it feels unbearable.

It feels wrong. It feels scary. It feels empty.

I don’t want to let go of you.

I don’t think I ever will.

I love seeing your name everywhere, and at the same time it breaks me. Because your name shouldn’t be on candles or memorials or anything that speaks of loss. Your name should be written on artwork taped to the fridge, on birthday cards for your first birthday, on Lego blocks scattered across your bedroom floor. Your name should be part of the life you were meant to live.

When the clock strikes midnight on New Year’s Eve, the world will celebrate. But for me, it will mark the moment that 2025 becomes the last year I lived with you.The last year I held you, spoke to you, changed your diaper, fed you, sang to you, kissed you, cuddled you, loved you so fiercely. The last year you existed anywhere but in my dreams.

That year changed me forever. It took you from me, and nothing will ever be the same. The year may end, but the ache of missing you never will. I will carry you with me through every year that comes next in my heart, in my breath, in every quiet moment where I wish you were here.

I love you more than words could ever hold, my beautiful sweet boo.

Forever and always.

Love,

Mommy 🤍