Every Story is Unique - Angel from Baby Bean

Our story is special to us. It's one that we actively embrace, with seasons of deep sorrow but also moments of immense joy. It inspired Baby Bean Consulting and we wanted to share it with you.

Our First Loss

My husband and I met back in 2007 and we enjoyed several years together before deciding to grow our family. At that time, I was well aware of the statistics, but I'll be honest, I didn't think that 'miscarriage' would be applicable to us… we were 'young and healthy'.

We got pregnant fairly quickly and I'll never forget my husband’s reaction to our positive pregnancy test - pure joy (mixed with some disbelief and a healthy pinch of fear!). It was such an exciting time and as the days passed, we settled on a nickname for our little fellow, “Baby Bean."

Exactly one week later, my world turned upside down. It all happened first thing in the morning. I looked down and saw my blood-stained underwear and blood clots in the toilet. My heart sank. I remember screaming for my husband as the fear and adrenaline swept through. Later that day, it was confirmed that we had an early miscarriage.

Looking back at that chapter, I was simply heartbroken and lost. How could I love someone so fiercely whom I had only known for just one week? Years later, I came across Kina Grannis' single "I never wanted anything more than I wanted you" and it made perfect sense then.

Pregnancy After Loss — Baby Girl

Shortly after our miscarriage, we were given the ‘all clear’ to try again and we got pregnant in the months that followed. That entire first trimester, I couldn't help but to expect the worst to happen at any given moment. I was terrified of going to the bathroom - holding my breathing, half-expecting I would see blood every single time. They say pregnancy after loss is never the same, and I couldn’t agree more.

Nine months later, we were blessed with our healthy daughter - finally getting to hold her in our arms was truly the most wonderful thing.

Recurrent Pregnancy Losses

My husband and I had always wanted two kids and when our daughter was 16 months old, we got pregnant unexpectedly — thanks Covid! It seems strange to say, but I greeted the news with a profound peace. Maybe a part of me believed it wouldn’t happen again and I wanted that to be true. We were excited to tell our daughter that she was going to become a big sister! Multiple doctor’s appointments passed, and bloodwork also confirmed the pregnancy was developing appropriately… yet we still miscarried at 8 weeks.

We kept trying and got pregnant again soon after. This time, the fear of losing the baby was so real to me. I requested for more appointments to make sure our baby was growing appropriately and it was honestly such a relief to see him again on the ultrasound at 12 weeks and hear his heartbeat. We were finally out of the woods and safely into the second trimester! We celebrated this milestone by taking a small family trip over to the Island. It felt like a weight was lifted off our shoulders and we could finally share the news publicly.

A couple weeks later, I went in for a routine prenatal appointment. My doctor couldn’t find his heartbeat with the Doppler. She reassured me that the baby was likely just in an awkward position. But my anxiety was so palpable that my doctor sent me for an ultrasound just to ease my mind. At the hospital, I remembered being in that exact same ultrasound room just months before, where they told me I was miscarrying my baby. I laid there and within seconds of the scan, I knew we had lost this baby too.

It’s a whole other level of heartache to go through a miscarriage during a global pandemic - I was alone when they couldn’t find his heartbeat, alone when they sent me for an ultrasound, alone when I stared at the still image of his little heart, alone when they left so that I could call my husband and break the news to him, and alone when they discussed the next steps with me. I didn’t think I could ever recover from the trauma and pain…

After our third miscarriage, we were finally told we qualified for more in-depth testing. We were referred to the Recurrent Pregnancy Loss Clinic at BC Women's Hospital and Olive Fertility Centre. By then, it felt as though we were lost at sea, clinging to hope but with no solid ground beneath us. We were exhausted, heartbroken, and so very alone.

Grief, Birth Trauma, & Postpartum Challenges

The months following our second-trimester loss were filled with both peaks and valleys. The wait to be seen for our first specialist appointment felt endless. The investigations were clinical and grueling, and the in-between space—no longer pregnant but not able to actively try again—was its own kind of torture. When we were finally given the diagnosis of “unexplained recurrent pregnancy loss,” it landed like a cruel joke. There were no answers, just more heartache.

I still remember one of the hardest conversations with my husband—sitting together, asking ourselves if our dreams of growing our family still aligned. The grief of what we had endured, and the letting go of what we had once envisioned, felt life-altering.

And yet, life has a way of surprising us. After months of trying, and so many heavy conversations, we had decided to close this painful chapter—when suddenly, we found out we were pregnant again. Joy and terror arrived hand in hand. Every milestone of that pregnancy carried both hope and fear. When our son was born at full term, our relief was overwhelming. His first breath brought pure joy—but almost immediately, everything shifted. I began to feel unwell on the operating table, while at the same time his oxygen levels plummeted. He was rushed to the NICU, my husband right by his side, as my medical team worked quickly to stabilize me. We both recovered, but those early days were a blur of fear, gratitude, and exhaustion.

That first postpartum year was the hardest I’ve ever faced. Though I was already a mom to a toddler, this transition felt uniquely heavy. Joy and grief collided daily. I carried moments of dread, longing, and love all tangled together, and for a long time, I assumed that was just my “new normal.” It wasn’t until years later that I finally reached out for professional support—help that guided me through the maze of perinatal mental health challenges and allowed me to breathe a little easier again.

Starting Baby Bean Consulting

Clarity, comfort, and comprehensive care.

Many times, I‘ve wondered what good would come of our story. But in reflection, our lived experience is my constant reminder that there is always space for compassion and genuine care.

The facts are that 1 in 4 pregnancies result in miscarriages. Additionally, 1 in 100 experience recurrent pregnancy loss. And even with excellent doctors/specialists supporting us through our journey, it was still an uphill battle – available services had long waitlists, referrals would take months, required diagnostic tests would take weeks more...

Baby Bean supports women who are experiencing a miscarriage, pregnancy after loss, or birth trauma. We take our medical know-how to proactively help women articulate their needs and prioritize their care throughout their motherhood journey. Women deserved to be informed, feel supported, and empowered to navigate our complex healthcare system!

To connect with Baby Bean Consulting, go to https://www.babybeanconsulting.ca/