A Heart That Is Full: Navigating Life After Unexpected Childlessness

Written by Kirsten Sherlock, MC, RCC, CCC

When my husband and I got married in 2016, we were filled with excitement and hope about starting a family together. We never imagined the road that lay ahead. Like many couples, we assumed conceiving would happen naturally. However, as time passed and challenges arose, we turned to my doctor for support. She referred us to a fertility clinic in the Lower Mainland, and after numerous tests, we were told there were no significant issues preventing conception. Still, given my age at the time, we were advised that IVF would give us the best chance.

What followed was a journey of multiple IUI and IVF rounds, heartbreak, and loss. After six years, my husband and I faced the incredibly difficult decision to stop trying to conceive. By the time I turned 45, I was physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted. We explored other options such as donor egg and adoption, but none of them felt right for us, even though we deeply value that those paths exist for others. I realized it was time to pause, focus on myself, and begin tending to my own heart.

The grief hit like a train. It was overwhelming and consuming, and I had no idea how to navigate it. As friends around me celebrated the joys of parenthood (along with its inevitable challenges), I felt utterly alone and adrift. I had envisioned this journey culminating in the arrival of a child. Letting go of that dream was a profound and unexpected loss. It felt like my heart had shattered into a million pieces, and I wasn’t sure it could ever be put back together.

In the midst of that darkness, I reached out for support, connecting with other women who had experienced similar challenges, as well as exploring resources, therapy, and practices to help me process my grief. For the first time, I felt seen, heard, and less isolated. Alongside this external support, I did a lot of inner work, learning to tend to myself in ways I never had before. I had been chasing one path, motherhood, at any cost, and it took time, patience, and reflection to shift my focus. Slowly, I began to nurture my own well-being, honor my needs, and create a life that is meaningful, fulfilling, and beautiful beyond the path of parenthood.

Through this experience, I’ve learned so much about resilience, self-compassion, and what it means to live with a full and open heart. As a counsellor, and through my personal journey, I felt called to support others navigating similar experiences. My hope is that anyone walking this path knows that life after loss can still hold depth, meaning, and joy, and that it is possible to live with a heart that is truly FULL.

If my story resonates with you, I invite you to join me in Living HeartFULLY, a safe and compassionate space for women and assigned female at birth (AFAB) individuals navigating infertility, loss, or unexpected childlessness. Together, we reflect, process, and explore what it means to live a meaningful life beyond parenthood. You are not alone, and your heart can still be full.

Learn more here.